Nude beaches are about body-acceptance, freedom, and the celebration of sand on human skin. They are absolutely, definitely, 100 percent not at all about sex, you guys. Except that according to Wisconsin authorities, more than a few beach-goers at the Madison-area Mazomanie nude beach have yet to get the memo. The Department of Natural Resources (more like the Department of Au Naturel Resources, amirite?) reports that incidents of public sex are on the rise, despite the agency’s ever-intensifying efforts to curb the libidos of naked Wisconsonites.
But the naked Wisconsonites, they cannot be tamed, not even if you close the beach at night, ban camping, install a gate, cut down sex-hiding trees, and — starting this past summer — close the beach on weekdays, when presumably the beach is at its sexiest. According to this year’s DNR stats, the agency has issued 13 citations for sex on the beach this year between May and October. Although those numbers are actually lower than in previous years, beach wardens say “the problem is far more prevalent than the numbers suggest.” Nudists, it seems, are as willing as everyone else to have sex on the weekend. “There’s no doubt there’s more stuff going on,” a DNR law enforcement supervisor told the Associated Press. “There’s definitely a frustration.”
Ever friendly and Midwestern, though, the department has no particular plans to shut the beach down next year. “That would be a pretty big step and I’m not sure if we’re ready to go there yet,” he said. So, no need to buy a swimsuit, but maybe consider a hotel room.
Image via Veer