Four Women Steal 300 Pairs of Victoria’s Secret Panties All Willy-Nilly

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Four women are accused of stealing 300 pairs of panties (amounting to $4,000) from Victoria’s Secret’s SoHo store last week, according to DNAinfo New York. Police reports say three women kept the sales person occupied while their cohort tossed panties into her bag.

Split four ways, that’s 75 pairs each, and one everyday, that’s two and a half month’s worth of skivvies. So these ladies either really hated doing laundry or had grand plans to toss them in the air and make it rain like a rapper in a club. We can only ponder. Other possibilities include:

  1. Ultimate Panty Raid — Clearly this is a sleepover hijinks gone wrong. These women were just after good, clean girlish fun. Shame on the double-darer who put them up to it.
  2. It Was an Emergency — What type of emergency, I cannot say, but my mother always told me to pack extra underwear for emergencies when I went anywhere. I can only assume that these women wanted to be as prepared as possible.
  3. Sling-Shots — Someone somewhere was having a water balloon fight, and these women were preparing for a battle to end the ages.

Putting the lack of selectivity into consideration (I assume that the fourth lady was just tossing underwear into a bag willy-nilly), I don’t think they intended the undies for themselves. They wouldn’t be able to divide it up fairly in that case, because as any Victoria’s Secret patron can attest, those panty tables can sometimes be a mystery grab bag. Despite the sales people’s best efforts, you will end up with the wrong size and shape, even if you try. So four women are accused of stealing 300 pairs of panties in a variety or sizes, shapes, styles, and prints. They probably just emptied the bag onto the bed and rolled around in it as if it were cash money.