Online Dating

Online Dating 101: They Viewed You, But Didn’t Message You. 5 Tips for Dealing With It

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If you’re a HowAboutWe member (and if you’re not, why aren’t you?), you’ll notice when you log in that there is a little tiny pair of glasses in the upper right hand corner of your homepage. Click this icon and you can see your “Visitors.” These are the people who have checked out your profile.

If you cross-reference the “Visitors” section with your Inbox, you’ll probably notice that some of your visitors have messaged you, but some haven’t.

Now you know that someone looked at your profile and didn’t contact you. If you’re like me, you think, “What am I supposed to do with this information besides let it drive me crazy?“

I mean, they were interested enough in the first place to look, right? So what did they find when they dug deeper? Am I not as cute as I seem at a first glance? Are my answers to the profile questions tacky and trite? Do I drink too much and not exercise enough? WHY DON’T THEY LOVE ME?

Well, if you’re engaging in this kind of downward spiral, you’re already breaking the first rule of dealing with these silent visitors:

1. Assume they’re shy/don’t know what to say/being lazy.

This is more than likely the reason that these lookie-loos aren’t making the jump to… messagey-moos. They’re just not ready, for one reason or another, to reach out. First contact can be pretty nerve-wracking and they might be thinking too much about what to say in that first message. Equally possible is that they were just lazily clicking around the site with no intention of messaging anyone and came across your profile. In any case, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is —

2. You’ve got a lead.

The digital ice is broken and, if you’re interested, you should take advantage of that. Send them a great first message, but —

3. Ignore the fact that they looked at you

“I couldn’t help but notice you noticing me,” is not only a super-cheesy sentiment — it’s borderline creepy. You know they looked, they know they looked. No need to call them out on it, huh?

4. Point out a common interest

You know, not every single detail about your life is in your profile (and that’s a good thing). Maybe you noticed that the movie they’ve seen the most times is “Spice World” and, OMG, you were Scary Spice for Halloween 3 years in a row! Let them know. Your cosmic Spice Girls overlap may be enough to get them over the hump. But —

5. Don’t be too disappointed if they don’t respond

Remember, they were too shy/tongue-tied/lazy to message you before, and they may be again. Don’t take it personally and move on.

More Like This:

Online Dating 101: Try This Sneaky Picture Strategy

Online Dating 101: Ask A Thought-Provoking Question

Online Dating 101: Keep Your Shirt On

Online Dating 101: Is Your Username Too Revealing?

Online Dating 101: You’re Not Dating, You’re Searching

Online Dating 101: What to Do When You’re No Longer Interested

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