Sometimes, I worry that heterosexual guys make it too hard on themselves to date online. (The gay guys, judging by my friends on Grindr and the like, have a way easier time of it.)
No, I’m worried from straight guys. I’m worried that they’re overthinking things. I’m worried that they’re reading too much crap from pick-up artists who tell them that girls like confidence and raw sex appeal over what many male bloggers have elegantly taken to calling “pussy men.”
Maybe this is, in some, isolated cases, true in real life, and maybe, when it comes to crowded bars, the timid guy in the corner isn’t going to go home with the girl.
But when you’re dating online, you have one objective: Don’t be creepy. Anything even remotely shadowy or off-color, and you’re shooting yourself in the foot.
1) Is your profile bare? That’s creepy.
2) Is your picture too fuzzy or too cropped or too shadowy? That’s creepy.
3) Do you come off WAY too strong in your opening message? That’s creepy.
4) Do you, in any way shape or form, allude to sex? That’s creepy.
5) Do you “wink” at us without saying anything? That’s creepy.
6) Do you try to “neg” us by saying something rudeish? That’s creepy and annoying.
7) Do you repeatedly bring up the fact that you find us attractive? That’s creepy.
8) Do you make it abundantly clear that you not only find us attractive in an aesthetic sense, but you’re strongly sexually attracted to us? Before we’ve even met? God help you. That is crepy.
9) Do you mention the fact that you just got out of a relationship, or have been single for a long time, or have been single forever? That’s creepy.
If you manage to avoid coming off as creepy, then you’re in the game. You’ve got a chance. Because the women who are on this site are on the site because they want to go out with someone, which is more than you can necessarily say about someone at a bar or a party. They’re just going to be extra on-guard to make sure you aren’t a serial killer, and you’re just going to have to work extra hard to prove that you aren’t one.
But if you come off as
Then you’ve really got a good shot of at least getting a message back.
Okay, guys? Don’t neg. Don’t overpower us with your sexuality. Just try very hard to be nice, normal guys, and we’ll take it from there.