Online Dating

All the Reasons You Should Date a Farmer

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Finding love on the farm isn’t easy, especially if you’ve got to travel hours to meet a fellow single who isn’t also a relative. But a new dating site for rural “agricultural types” wants to fix that, helping farmers and ranchers find love among the haystacks. And though FarmersOnly.com is designed for actual farmers to find other actual farmers to have, hold, and grow with, you don’t have to be a farmer to love one. Here are six reasons why you should.

1. They Are Super Fit.

Your farmer-partner is hot and well-muscled because your farmer-partner has tamed the natural world. Your farmer-partner got their body by lifting rocks and pulling weeds and taming wild horses. They are deeply, profoundly healthy. They radiate strength and physical prowess. The dudes next to you on the eliptical at Bally’s are shriveled man-shells compared to your new farmer-partner.

2. They Are Capable of Thinking Long Term.

You cannot plant a bunch of wheat in the morning and bake bread at dinner. Farmers know this. Farmers commit to things, like raising hogs to maturity and growing acres and acres of viable produce. The idea of committing to dinner on Friday will not terrify a farmer. A farmer has owned land and birthed goats. A farmer can figure out whether or not he is free for three hours next Tuesday.

3. Adorable Animals.

Date a city boy and you get a puppy, maybe, if your apartment building allows it and you’ve got enough space to put it somewhere. Date a country boy and you get a dog, a team of chickens, a momma pig, poppa pig, and 12 precocious pig children, a whole mess of goats, and maybe some horses. A cow? A pasture of cows?  Your farmer beau comes with an adorable crew. An adorable, smelly crew. An adorable, smelly crew that you will probably eat some of.

4. Everything You Eat Will Be In Season.

Your farmer-love isn’t going to serve you grainy tomatoes in February and mealy apples in May, because your farmer-love understands how seasons work. Everything that goes on your plate is going to be fresh, in-season, and hyper-local. Like, a few hundred feet from your front door hyper-local. You will develop opinions on kale varietals. You will laugh in the face of grocery stores.

5. You Will Get So In Touch With Nature.

You will rise with the sun, as humans were meant to do, and you will go to sleep at nightfall, exhausted, your newly sculpted biceps throbbing with the satisfaction of a day well-spent. In June, you’ll gorge on blueberries. In August, you’ll eat the most golden kernels of the most golden ears of corn. You will learn to feel the weather in your bones.

6. You Can’t Gross Out A Farmer.

Bled all over the bed? Threw up all over the couch? Whatever — your farmer lover understands. Life is messy. Your farmer gets it. This is a person who castrates pigs for a living. This is a person who smells like they castrate pigs for a living.

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