Being Single

How to be a Bi-Coastal Dater

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This is the latest post from Helen, our bi-coastal Date Reporter. She’ll be documenting her experience dating in both San Francisco and Boston as she travels between the coasts for work. Catch up on her story here.

Trying to date in two cities is harder than I expected, and here’s why: no one wants to date you.

When I browse through the men on HowAboutWe, I usually start by taking a quick look at profile pictures. If I find the picture pleasing, I move onto to other photos to confirm that the guy in question is actually a good-looking person and not someone who just happened to have one great picture of him taken once upon a time.

Once I’ve confirmed that he’s truly a stud, I do a quick scan of the rest of his profile to make sure there aren’t any other abnormalities, like children or unusual shortness. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, but I can barely take care of myself right now. And if you’re not tall enough to throw me over your shoulder, we’re going to have a problem because I much prefer being carried over having to walk. Just kidding (mostly). After the quick scan, which takes about 30 seconds, I send an oh-so-personal message to my future husband and wait.

I know this isn’t the fairest or most scientific method — because I’m sure all of these guys have some wonderful traits and characteristics and I should really give them a shot — but I’m a busy girl.  And frankly, I think this is what most guys do, too.

Actually, I take that back. I think some guys don’t even take the time to read over my profile, because the ones that have responded don’t have any idea that I’m planning to relocate soon until we start sending messages. I mean, I don’t know how much clearer I can be than:

My life history in 5 sentences or fewer:

I just started a new job based in San Fran but am still living in Boston for the next few months. Currently splitting my time between both but would love to get to know someone special in either city.

When I do gently remind them during our dialogue; well, that’s it. I never hear from them again.

At this point, I should probably confess that I’m guilty of committing a similar crime. Once, I was messaging with this guy from North Carolina before I realized that not only was he from North Carolina, but he was also still living there. I don’t know how we ended up messaging each other considering the distance, but no matter. Considering I don’t have any plans to move to North Carolina nor visit any time in the near future (or ever), I stopped replying.

But come on! Me choosing not to talk to someone who I’ll never be in the same city with is very different from me telling someone I’ll be there every other week until January when it becomes a permanent move. I’m super cool! Totally worth the wait!

Or not.

Now I guess I need to decide how to proceed. Should I just not tell them I’m moving? Should I carry on and hope someone I’m interested in thinks I’m interesting enough to date despite the circumstances? Should I create a fabulous alter ego in San Francisco who’s everything I’ve ever wanted to be, including living in San Francisco full-time?

This bi-coastal dating situation is pretty tricky.

A New Englander at heart, Helen splits her time between Boston and San Francisco where she’s looking for love, laughs, and the next great burrito. Check out her misadventures at Single/(almost)White/Female