Date Reporters

The Bizarre Intricacies of Filling Out Your Online Dating Profile

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This is the latest post from our Colorado-based Date Reporter Prescott Reynolds. She’ll be documenting her experience learning to date in a new city — and one that’s a fraction of the size of her former home, NYC. Catch up on her story here.

Imagine for a moment that you’re hunting for a job. What are the two absolute worst parts of this process, aside from inevitable rejection? The cover letter and the question, “Tell me about yourself.” Also, that’s not a question — that’s a demand.

As it were, a dating profile is just a romantically charged cover letter that needs to convey that you’re normal, sexy, funny, active, intelligent, financially secure, somewhat healthy, and on the market. Easy as throwing up nails! But admittedly, HowAboutWe made this a little easier.

One of the great things about HowAboutWe’s profile layout is that it’s not an open ended comment box demanding wit, thoughtfulness, and a touch of disinterest so you don’t seem desperate. You can just answer the handful of questions — and it’s lovely.

You may call me close-minded, but I prefer to think of myself as a normal, scrutinizing product of society. And I would like to date someone who shares that background.

What’s my favorite movie? Indiana Jones!

What industry do I work in? Advertising!

What’s my favorite music? Delt—wait. My favorite music? Well, that kind of depends on the season and my mood. And just because I happen to love a mainstream country band doesn’t mean I can’t get down with some synth. Maybe if I list Sugarland, Passion Pit, and Frank Ocean I’ll seem well-rounded. Do I also seem full of shit? Because I LOVE DEMI LOVATO. But if I construct an honest profile of being a cat-loving, Disney pop-star listening, unable-to-cook loner – my dream man will surely pass me by.

And don’t bother telling me that the man of my dreams will love me for me. No, he’ll love me for me when he’s known me for at least four months. I’ve dated some real quirkmasters, but if I’d found out about the lack of passport, the metal music, and the veganism on the first night, you can rest assured those romances would have never happened. You may call me close-minded, but I prefer to think of myself as a normal, scrutinizing product of society. And I would like to date someone who shares that background.

But let’s be serious – if I’m on the hunt for a man, the first thing to take care of is obviously photos. Before you immediately post the hottest photos of yourself, think for a moment about what you want to attract. I’m not saying post yourself at your worst, but really give thought to what a photo might imply. I have one bangin’ photo of me from Halloween in a home-made Mortal Kombat Kitana costume. I look awesome. I also look like I care about Mortal Kombat, implying I care about video games. That, my friends, would be a blatant lie. Granted, with that costume, I think most guys would be like, “that’s awesome!” but I don’t want to give the impression we’re gonna spend our Saturday nights playing throwback Nintendo. Nah, brah. You gotta be careful about what you’re luring in. The kind of man I want to attract is not attracted to duck-face, fake mustaches, bizarre angled photobooth shots in pencil or “Warhol”, or any sort of kitten pose. The kind of man I want wants a straightforward, active, confident woman. This requires action shots, clear photos of my face while smiling, and a couple, “damn, that girl looks fun” shots.

It would be nice if I had any of those.

Also, It’s fair to mention that the man I end up with would also not be interested in any of the following usernames (just making these up, so if one of these is yours, yikes): kittenxo, teaandsunshine69, FactoryGirl, pixielover1467777, SeXyThAnG4u, and obviously anything using the word “cutie” because ugh.

Aside from photos, the most important part of the HowAboutWe profile is obviously the date suggestion. Ladies, this is not the time to be coy. I’ve known some great men in my day, and most of them terribly uncreative. If you’ve always wanted to take a cattle-herding class out in the middle of nowhere but your friends would never go, now is the time to suggest it. Just because a dude isn’t creative doesn’t mean he won’t do wild shit. As a matter of fact, for girls, guys are known to do some crazy shit. And if no one is interested in your date idea, you can always express interest in someone else’s suggestion.

Remember, one of the greatest differences between cover letters and dating profiles is that you can edit a dating profile at any time. Grab a couple friends, a couple bottles of wine, and a cozy couch with a wireless connection and get to work. It’s just like picking up guys at a bar except no one’s trying to roofie you, you can wear whatever you want and you don’t have to go to the bathroom to laugh in someone’s face. What more could a girl want?

Prescott Reynolds just traded in her big city heels for hiking boots and is learning to navigate dating in a small mountain town. Karaoke hustler, ad junky, and novice road biker, you can check out her other adventures at DateByNumbers.