Being Single

Your Date Is Almost Definitely A Criminal, Says Fear-Mongering Background Check Site

Pin it

Ladies! Is the man you’re dating really the man you think you’re dating? Have you checked to see if he’s a child molester or a registered axe murderer or secretly married and plotting to steal your identity? According to a background-checking, fear-mongering website called DirtSearch.org, the answer is almost definitely. If their stats are right, the man you had dinner with three nights ago is 12.5 percent likely to be a vicious criminal who is plotting your demise this very second.

DirtSearch.org wants to remind you that stats for crimes go up over the holidays, which means that dude is for sure a creep out to get you because, hello, Valentine’s Day? “You can never be too careful,” they say. “In today’s world” — today’s terrifying, crime-ridden hellscape of a world — “it is more important than ever to do your research.” To help you in your journey towards being not-murdered, they’ve built a handy search-your-man engine, which supposedly finds all the heinous crimes your partner has committed or will commit as soon as he has the opportunity — court files, “certain items pertaining to credit checks,” tenant disputes, and more. So much more.

Look, terrible things do happen. Being careful is smart. And if free DirtSearching makes you feel safer, then free DirtSearch on. But I object to the site’s campaign to make single women into victims-in-waiting. Most people, even most men, even most men you meet on the internet, are not terrifying predators and in general it is okay to interact with them in a responsible manner. That’s true even — even! — if you have the nerve to be a single woman.