Nothing like your boyfriend going out of town to make you realize I have no life outside of my relationship. You find yourself dreading those long, lonely nights where your apartment just doesn’t feel quite the same, and there’s this odd, nagging feeling that leaves you wide awake at 2 a.m., wondering for the first time if maybe, just maybe, your apartment is haunted?
Well, it’s not haunted, that’s just the suffocating feeling of being alone, a feeling you have grown so unaccustomed to it’s unhealthy. But hey! There are some upsides to the ole ball and chain being out of town.
1. You can go back to all the weird rituals of your single life. I used to really enjoy Mac and Cheese and Ice Cream for Dinner Mondays but it’s a meal I rarely prepare since moving in with my super health-conscious boyfriend. Love popping pimples but don’t want anyone to know? You’re all alone, baby! Do you secretly love Celine Dion? It’s all coming back, it’s all coming back to you now, my friend, being alone means you can do whatever you want! So go nuts! No one’s watching!
2. Wine! Winewinewine. A whole bottle just for you! Why not?
3. You can actually make real plans for a Saturday night for the first time in ages. Sure, it’s usually so easy to just stay in and do nothing with your significant other, but won’t it be nice to see what the girls are up to? The one trick here is initiating a casual hang-out without making it screamingly obvious that the only reason you’re reaching out to them is because your boyfriend is out of town. Here is a fail-proof text to send: “Who’s up for a girl’s night! My treat!” Offering to pay will immediately grab their attention and distract them from the obvious fact that you are a friend of convenience now that you’re in a relationship.
4. Speaking of reacquainting with old friends, now’s a great time to dust off the old vibrator. And like any great friendship, you two will find you can pick up right where you left off.
5. You ever sleep in the dead center of a queen-sized bed, limbs spread as far apart as is humanly possible? Yeah, it’s amazing and probably the only way we are truly meant to sleep as humans.
6. More wine! Two bottles in one night, who’s counting? Not your boyfriend! He’s gone.
7. You can finally watch (insert your favorite Bravo TV reality show here) without someone constantly rolling their eyes and asking you, “How can you watch this crap? These women are so insane!” Yeah, of course they’re insane. Why would I watch a show about well-adjusted rich women? Then I’d be jealous of them have no way to feel superior to them.
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