Advice

How Many Second Chances Do You Give After Bad Sex?

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I was watching an episode of the web series Next Time on Lonny this weekend, in which a girl Lonny has gone on a few dates with is coming over to his house to eat dinner, watch a movie, and probably have sex with him for the first time. In preparation, Lonny’s friend gives him a helpful pep-talk:

“The fact of the matter is that if you don’t perform well the first time, you’re probably not going to get a second chance.” 

So let’s talk about this, because I’m dying to know if it’s true. If you have sex with someone you’re dating for the first time, and it’s bad, do you give them a second chance?

Let’s define the terms for the sake of this argument: you’ve gone on a few dates, you definitely like the person, you’re attracted to him or her, you’re ready to have sex, and then it’s…awful. Not “meh,” sex, not “it was fine for me” sex, but like, so bad that you’re already mentally composing the text you’ll send to your best friend the second this is over. So bad it’s just embarrassing for the both of you. Do you try again?

It’s kind of a tough one!

On the one hand, there are so many explanations for bad sex: nerves, not knowing each other’s specific preferences, possibly too much alcohol, possibly not yet being on the same emotional wave-length, and possibly just needing some practice.

If you really like someone, and you’ve had consistently good dates, it seems like a shame to give up on them after one bad experience. But…after 2? Maybe some people just aren’t sexually compatible!

On the other hand, it is possible to have great sex on the first try, and sexual chemistry is not something to be overlooked when looking for long-term relationship compatibility.

So how many chances does someone get after a really bad romp in the hay?

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