3 Things to Keep in Mind When Making a Sex Tape (That Hulk Hogan Learned The Hard Way)

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Here are two things I apologize for telling you at lunch. Or after lunch. Or any time in the vicinity of dining: One, that Hulk Hogan has a sex tape, and two, he says he banged so many chicks he doesn’t even know which one is in the tape with him. There are many, many cautionary tales that we can take from the life of Hulk and his family, but first, let’s talk about sex tapes.

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Try to remember the names of people you make sex tapes with. We’ve all had a one night stand or ten with someone whose name we forgot or didn’t even know in the first place. But if you like someone enough to make a porno with them, it might be good to remember their name for future reference.

If you’re planning to make a sex tape, check with your partner first. If a couple thinks it’s hot to make a tape of them getting down and dirty, cool. However, it’s not cool when one tapes the other without permission. Just like you have to ask if they like it rough, you should have to ask if they want to be filmed. Apparently Hulk didn’t know the tape was being made, and that’s just bad hookup etiquette.

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If you are a celebrity, try to take hookups back to your place. It really eliminates that whole “possibility for extortion” thing. Just ask Ashton Kutcher about that time a girl sold his sex-stained clothing to a tabloid.