Justin Bieber is going to space in 2015, which prompts the urgent and obvious question: just how is he going to have sex up there? And, by extension, how are we going to have sex up there once the polar ice caps melt and the price of space travel stabilizes a bit?
Good thing the blog Noise has some answers for us.
The main issue with space sex is the lack of gravity. One of the things that makes sex on earth really convenient and possible is that gravity helps your partner’s sex parts stay connected. If Justin Bieber were to try to have sex in space, after the first thrust he and his partner would be sent flying in opposite directions and into the bulkheads, and suddenly you’ve got two bleeding naked people which, to most, isn’t very sexy.
Forseeing this issue (the issue of people wanting to have sex in space, not the issue of Justin Bieber wanting to have sex in space), the (prematurely established??) Space Tourism Society has developed a prototype of something called a Snuggle Tunnel, designed to make intergalactic coitus possible.
This collapsible zero gravity love nest is designed to hook onto the bulkhead of a zero G habitat near a window. A couple could climb in and snuggle about while watching the Earth pass by.
Yes, “watch the earth pass by”….
Need more information? Perhaps a video demonstration?
Here’s one, complete with live acoustic accompaniment:
(Presumably, if you were to have sex in space, you would not be surrounded by fellow astronauts/space tourists chanting “Sex! Sex! Sex!” at you while you shimmied around in the Snuggle Tunnel.)
But wait. Let’s talk a moment about…body fluids. Because there are some, in sex.
Without getting needlessly graphic, take a look at this video from Commander Chris Hadfield, in which he demonstrates what it’s like to cry in space.
“[the water] just forms a ball on my eye…your eyes will definitely cry in space, but the big difference is tears don’t fall.”
…Huh. This would presumably make sex (and, birth control?) easier? Or just. Weirder.
But is sex in space really even a possibility, at this point? Here’s what Commander Hadfield had to say on the topic, during his Reddit AMA:
“People have sex on Earth all the time. It is a normal, basic human function and fundamental desire, necessary for the propagation of our species. It is also steeped in cultural and personal significance, and thus gets extra attention. There will, of course, be sex in space, just like everywhere else, but for a small crew, the subdividing emotional attachment that goes along with it could be very harmful. We also have had very limited hygiene and privacy to this point. With bigger and bigger crews and spaceships, however, it will become a natural part of human existence in space, just like on Earth.”
Better start manufacturing those Snuggle Tunnels.