8 Reasons Ke$ha Should Never Give Dating Advice

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Dear Ke$ha,

I’m worried about you. A recently released preview of your MTV Reality Show Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life shows you fellating a cannoli at a restaurant. I want you to know that’s not a thing people do. It’s not even a crazy reality show thing, like screaming at another woman because she waved at your boyfriend. We give a name to horrible sex acts like beastiality or necrophilia, but I don’t think there’s even a name for fellating a cannoli. That’s how often people don’t do that. Did the cannoli even consent?

In this video, your boyfriend tells you to “babybird” the cannoli into somebody else’s mouth. Does he make you do things you don’t want to do, Ke$ha? You can tell me. I have a broken futon in my living room that you’re welcome to crash on if you need to figure some things out.

I’ve done some research and I have to be honest: you have terrible ideas about dating. Let’s take a closer look at some of these:

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