Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back – No sex on the first date.
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi – No handjobs on the first date.
Blade Runner – No lubricated handjobs on the first date.
Dangerous Liaisons – No self-esteem on the first date.
Tootsie – No pants on the first date.
Dark Crystal – You’ve canceled a date to stay in and build leggo.
The Last Unicorn – You’ve canceled a date to write leggo fan-fic.
The Man From Snowy River – You don’t mind a good whipping.
The Karate Kid – You wax off, whack off.
The Neverending Story – You’re going to marry a beloved childhood friend. In a skimpy suede vest and chaps.
BMX Bandits – You’re not afraid to get down and dirty, or rock a perm.
Field of Dreams – You’re not afraid to wear mom jeans.
Dirty Dancing – You’re not afraid of a man in a leotard.
Driving Miss Daisy – You’re not afraid of old man butt.
Labyrinth – Find your way to the codpiece by midnight, or lose your baby brother forever.
My Little Pony: The Movie – You have a ConAir vibrator.
The Care Bears Adventure in Wonderland – Rainbows are fun to slide down.
The Land Before Time – The last time you had sex, people were still cracking floppy disc jokes.
Sixteen Candles – Statutory rape is funny until it gets you banned from Cinnabon nationwide.
Ghostbusters – Men in uniforms get your ectoplasm hot.
Annie – You’ll find “the one” tomorrow.
Rocky III – THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
The Goonies – The treasure lies just beyond your awkward teenage years.
Better Off Dead – You like to French.
Twins – You’re a hopeless romantic who believes there’s a Danny Devito doppleganger out there for everyone.
Uncle Buck – The morning after, you like to get PANCAKES.
Honey I Shrunk the Kids – Size doesn’t matter, it’s what you do with your Moranis that counts.
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial – You’re not worried about interplanetary/venereal contagion.
Raiders of the Lost Ark – To the ends of the Earth, you’ll find the G-spot.
Amadeus – You’ve been a dating pro since you were five.
Platoon – DON’T MIND THE 100 HELICOPTERS.
Blade Runner – You’re not on a date, your neurons are just being commandeered by someone tall, dark and
Blue Velvet – You’re pretty weird, even without the mask.
The Elephant Man – You’re not a human being! You are are an animal. In bed.
The Shining – Your speak dirty in the third person.
The Terminator – You like apocalypse sex because everyone gets a second coming.
Die Hard – If he has a nicer apartment than you, you’re not leaving the building.
The Princess Bride – If he’s “handy with a sword,” you’re not leaving the building.
The Big Chill – If he’s into charity sex, you’re not leaving the building.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High – Your dream date takes place in the back of an orange sedan.
Scarface – You always tell the truth. Even when you lie in bed.
This Is Spinal Tap – Don’t be afraid to crank things up past 10.
Back to the Future – Beware of accidentally dating your mom.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? – You can get out of a bad date, but only if it’s funny.
When Harry Met Sally – You will never want … that wagon wheel coffee table.
Chariots of Fire – You’re all about the chase.
A Nightmare on Elm Street – You’ve been running through my mind all day. Screaming.
Broadcast News – You’re all shoulder pad and no pleat.
Hoosiers – Your practices aren’t designed for people’s enjoyment.
The Breakfast Club – You like being “detained.”
Big – You’re looking for someone with a good job, bunk beds and a trampoline.
The Little Mermaid – You’re a princess who is never satisfied, no matter how good the blowout.
Strange Brew – You’re looking for–jelly donut!–you’re easily distracted.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – You can do it forwards and backwards.
Stand By Me – You’d cross state lines for the right body.
Superman II – When you fake it, they can tell, because your hair is hardly moving.
Caddyshack – You’re looking for someone who likes to swing.