Last night on The Real World: Ex-Plosion, the six housemates returned from a weekend trip to find that their exes had moved in—and that they’ll be staying for the rest of the summer. How did the cast react? We’ll let Jenny’s face do the talking.
It only took one hour for the exes to prove themselves to be as impressively batshit as their former partners. Here are our power rankings.
6. Jenna (Jay’s ex)
Poor Jenna. Poor, poor Jenna. The nature of her bond with Jay has been confusing from episode one, when she was spotted hanging around his family home with his mom. She’s clearly in love with him, but he’s mostly just upset that her arrival means he probably shouldn’t bring girls back to the house. Jenna’s goal for their relationship (if you can call it that): “If someone says, ‘Do you have a girlfriend,’ he has to say yeah.”
5. Cameron (Jamie’s ex)
Cameron (pictured center) is a British man with a lady perm. He is also in a band called Asking Alexandria, which I don’t even need to hear to know I dislike. He is not in the house, but the very idea of his presence sends Jamie into a frenzy. It’s hard to tell if she’s more upset about the possibility of him coming or not coming. Thomas, her new boyfriend, is understandably suspicious. The Jamie doth protest too much.
4. Ashley (Arielle’s ex)
Of all the surprisingly affectionate former couples, Ashley and Arielle — Jenny’s so-called “lesbian godmothers” — are easily the most effusive. They celebrate their reunion by making out on the floor. Why did you two break up in the first place? Were you ever actually broken up at all? Can I be one of your bridesmaids?
3. Lauren (Cory’s ex)
Lauren and Cory were together since the seventh grade. Now, they aren’t, but she nevertheless talks her way into the shower with him almost immediately. (“How do I look? Do I look good? How about my boobies?”) She isn’t threatened by Jenny, Cory’s friend with benefits, nor by any of his other girlfriends: “I just know I’m better than them.” Lauren, on a personal note, please stop wearing lipstick that is the same color as your face, because your apparent lack of a mouth is physically nauseating me.
2. Hailey (Tom’s ex)
Don’t let the dimples fool you. Hailey is a shark. “I don’t want to cause any drama that isn’t necessary,” she explains, which leads one to wonder what constitutes “necessary” drama. She and Tom were each other’s first loves and mutual deflowerers, but he’s now dating Jamie. This makes Hailey “miserable,” she tells him, because she “definitely could see” a future for the two of them. Lo and behold, by episode’s end, Tom is seriously contemplating ditching Jamie. Womp womp.
1. Brian (Jenny’s ex)
I do not understand what is happening with this person. Brian is a jealous, possessive weirdo who enjoys parkouring around the house. He’s openly mean to Jenny, saying, “I’m gonna fuck with you. You better know that.” He is eager to fight Cory, her erstwhile FWB, despite the fact that Cory would clearly just like to leave the room as quickly as possible and not get involved, please. Despite his obvious, unadorned craziness, Jenny suggests she’s interested in getting back together, to which Brian responds by announcing that he wants to go have sex with strange women. This, somehow, works. Within a day, he’s transformed Jenny’s seemingly justified hatred to love. “There’s no one in this whole damn world I’d rather have raise my children than you,” she proclaims. Okay, lady.