The beginning of 2014 is upon us, and what better time to reflect back on the year that was, recall the highs and lows, and think about how we can improve ourselves as people going forward? In that vein, I’ve made a handy list of some resolutions my boyfriend may or may not want to (but should) make in 2014. For the record: “Be less passive aggressive” is on my own list of resolutions.
1. In the new year I resolve to gain the ability to notice when you’ve cut your hair. It’s not that I don’t care that you’ve drastically changed how you look, it’s that I physically cannot for the life of me see the difference. I will change that in 2014.
2. I will realize we share a tiny apartment, so when I leave my entire clothing collection on the ground, it makes our apartment feel like it’s 500 square feet smaller.
3. I will continue to have a great butt, which I will accentuate by wearing those boxer briefs you like so much.
4. After I shave at the bathroom sink, I vow to always wipe up the little hairs that go all over the place since I know you very graciously always clean your hair out of the shower drain every single time you shower.
5. I will continue to be really, super anal about being the only one of us who can use and clean the cast-iron pan since it is an art, I am the more skilled cook, and you almost dropped it on your feet the last time you tried to use it.
6. I resolve to not ask you, “What would you do if I wasn’t here?” every time you make me kill a bug because I realize that while you are a strong, modern woman, you are irrationally terrified of bugs. I also resolve not to wave the tissue containing the dead bug in your face anymore.
7. I resolve never to talk to you about my fantasy football teams ever again as long as you promise to never watch any of the Real Housewives franchise in my presence.
8. I will continue to rub your head at night when you’re falling asleep. And you don’t have to reciprocate anymore because just knowing it makes you happy is the only head rub this guy needs!
9. I will use the vacuum more than once in 2014.
10. I’ll continue to be an awesome, caring, funny, and loving boyfriend. Also, I’ll stop saying we have too many throw pillows on our couch, because how can you have too many throw pillows? I will realize that’s a crazy thing to think.
Image via Flickr.