20 Reasons Your Smartphone is Your New Boyfriendby Marla Pachter on August 28, 2013
1. You told everyone you didn’t really want one, and you definitely didn’t need one. But secretly you’ve been dying to get your hands on a smartphone. Any smartphone, really. Like you would kill for that iPhone 5, but a Droid would do in a pinch.
2. And now, it’s finally the day. Time for your upgrade. Life is beautiful. You’re so excited you can hardly stand it. It’s the end of an era. And the beginning of a new, awesome era, where you can take shameless Instagram selfies and they won’t just be in your imagination.
3. For the first few days, you are ridiculously excited. There are so many new things to love and discover. Your new smartphone has everything a girl could ask for, and you just keep discovering more.
4. Instead of watching other girls and their smartphones engaging and having fun on the subway, your entire subway ride feels 50% shorter because you have your smartphone to share it with.
5. And your smartphone can really give you everything you need. For instance, it can remind you that you’ve got shit to do.
6. It can sing you to sleep.
7. It can help you find the simple joys in life.
7. It even has a vibrate setting.
8. And sure, things have moved kind of fast. You slept together the day you met.
9. You’re already living together.
10. You just can’t help yourself.
11. And it doesn’t matter. You just know. This smartphone is the one.
12. But eventually… the honeymoon phase is over.
13. You get bored of your smartphone.
14. It stops treating you as well.
15. You start getting annoyed at everything it does.
16. You remember all the good times and you try to make up.
17. But your smartphone just isn’t as reliable as it used to be.
18. And when you say, “I love you,” it doesn’t quite say it back anymore…
19. You can only take so much. Time to breakup for good.
20. But don’t worry, you’ll find a new smartphone soon. One that’s even smarter, faster, thinner, and better looking.
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