1. I’m waiting for gay people to be allowed to get married everywhere.
2. I’m waiting for gay people to be allowed to get married everywhere, and also the zombie apocolypse.
3. I’m waiting for gay people to be allowed to get married everywhere, and also the zombie apocolypse, and also the day that those zombies are allowed to marry gay people.
4. I’m saving my pennies for an 8 billion dollar wedding.
5. What’s the point? We both have health insurance, bitchessssssss!
6. I love my boyfriend, but (lowing your voice if he is in ear shot), I’m still holding out for Ryan Gossling.
7. I don’t have time between going to work and getting drunk and watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey to plan a wedding.
8. I will, but my maid of honor is doing hard time in San Quentin and I’m waiting for her to get out.
9. To which one of my boyfriends are you referring to?
10. Wedding dresses make me break out in hives.
11. I’m in the process of choreographing my wedding party dance. Stay tuned.
12. How do you know we’re not? It’s rather presumptuous of you to assume you would be invited to the wedding. Hahahaha just teasing. Where ever did you get that monocle?
13. I hate my mother.
14. Oh, we never get larried. Wait, what? I can’t hear you.
15. Nuns aren’t allowed to get married.
16. Look! There’s Mr. T!
17. I’m trying to follow in the footsteps of my hero, Snookie. Wait, Snookie’s doing what?
And there’s always the classic:
17. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?