The old logic goes that more sex equals a lasting relationship. However, new research from the University of Toronto has found that the reasons we have sex with a long-term partner, not just how often we do it, could change our satisfaction with the entire relationship.
You might be saying to yourself, “No, there’s only one reason I have sex and it comes towards the end.” Beyond the basic baby making and orgasms, scientists identified two general motivations for humping loved ones and strangers: to get closer to someone (“approach”) or to avoid a negative outcome or conflict with your partner (“avoidance”).
It seems kind of self-evident, but the studies found that when you get it on for positive reasons, you’re going to feel more satisfaction and more pleasure. Interestingly, your partner is going to feel it, too. The other side of the coin is that you will both experience dissatisfaction if you keep having sex for negative reasons—like you want to get back at someone you’re fighting with, you want to avoid feeling guilty, or you feel like you’re only having sex only because your partner has brought it up every night at dinner and you figure you might as well put out and get them to bed so that you can go downstairs and sneak some ice cream without some whining about what it’s going to do to your figure.
The results were the same across the board. For both men and women. No matter how frequently they got in the sack.So, even if you’re trying to rack up a certain total number of lays in a given year, for those nights you just don’t want to, don’t. A simple and obvious, “Not tonight. I need to sleep,” when they offer you a insinuating nighttime back rub is probably better in the long-term for you and your partner. A pattern of negatively motivated sex screws you both. Angry sex is only going to wear a hole in you and your relationship. Unless it’s sort of sweaty-angry-makeup sex, in which case: proceed.
Image via Flickr.
- If First Dates Got Yelp Reviews
- 9 Signs that You’re Not Ready For Post-Breakup Sex
- What Your Favorite Sex Position REALLY Says About You