Here Are My 10 Relationship Commandments. What Are Yours?by Lauren Passell on August 23, 2012
I am a long distance runner, and sometimes in the middle of a long run I will zone out and something will happen that shakes me into the moment. “Oh!” I think. “I’m running! Let’s do this!” If you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, it’s important to remember why you’re there. It’s important to be present. What better way to do that than writing out a few personal relationship commandments for yourself? Write them down with your hands so you feel them. Put them somewhere you can see them if you forget them. And try to think about them every day. Here are mine. What are yours?
Don’t Fake Anything.
ANYTHING. Feelings about someone, excitement for something, or anything in bed. Ever, period, bonanza.
Do Things You’ve Never Done Before.
You have to, right? To change? To adapt to being with another person? And you have to do this all the time. So I promise I will, even when it feels more comfortable to stay the same. It’s better for me and my relationships if I am open to flexing with them. I’ll go with the flow.
Think Of Your Partner First.
This might be a no-brainer for some people, but as an only child who has been single 90% of her life, I have to remind myself this all of the time. It was good that I spent a long time “DOING ME” (I hate it when people actually say that), but no chick is an island. And it takes adjusting for someone like me to realize “Oh. This person is in my life now, and he wants to be there. He doesn’t feel too cool to be with me. He isn’t inconvenienced to be with me. He wants in so I have to let him.” I want to give at least as much as I take. And I take a lot!
I am a creature of habit. I have to remember to break out of my box with little surprises, like leaving post-its on my boyfriend’s face while he is sleeping or planning a surprise date night. I know that the tiniest surprise makes the biggest difference in the world.
Ask For Help.
If you’re not asking for help, you’re not allowing your partner to help, therefore you’re not in the relationship. I’m pretty independent so it feels unnatural to ask “will you do this?” I have to train my brain to ask that, to like it.
You really have no idea how long your relationship will last if you haven’t traveled together. You just learn so much. It’s obviously an amazing time, and something that you both deserve. Plus a trip will give you something to dream about and plan, to do, and to remember.
I should heed this whether I am in a relationship or not, but when you’re with someone I think it’s especially important. Negativity can be toxic, and I don’t want it to bleed over to someone else’s mood. Being positive for another person is a good reminder to be responsible for myself. And being positive about the relationship I am in is important, too. If I’m not, who will be? If I’m not, how will it be? I won’t assume the worst. I won’t sell myself short. I won’t sell the relationship short. I won’t negate its importance or goodness.
Never Stop Laughing.
That’s why we’re here. If you are stressing more than you’re laughing, you shouldn’t be in.
Don’t Take Any Bullshit.
The moment that something is fishy, I vow to speak up. I don’t care how much I love someone, I can’t let them slack in the relationship or stop being themselves or stop letting me be myself. I might be sleeping with someone but I still have to get up in the morning with myself. And I can’t take my own bullshit, either.
Challenge And Accept Challenges.
Since I want to get better while I’m with someone, I will listen and take advice/question/comments/concerns. I’ll also speak up with I have my own a/q/c/c. Otherwise, my partner might as well date a crash test dummy. And everyone knows crash test dummies are awful in bed.
No, seriously — what are yours? Email them to me at email@example.com.