Today, to put it bluntly, is fucking garbage. To quote my friend Rajiv via Gchat 10 minutes ago, “What is this post-apocalyptic hell that is life after an extended break?” Apparently, we’re not alone in our misery. Since 2005, academics have dubbed the first Monday of the year as “Blue Monday,” in reference to – sadly, not the excellent New Order song – how utterly depressing it is. We’re returning to work for the first time since mid-December. We’re finally confronting our post-holiday debts. And we have to do it all in the midst of terrible weather (including the polar vortex, which is somehow a real-life weather phenomenon and not a Syfy original movie).
There’s one upside to our collective post-Christmas depression. Yesterday, January 5, is believed to have been the busiest day for online dating in all of 2014. Why? The holidays done got us all love-horny. We’d finally made it home from our December travels, but weren’t back at work just yet. We were cold and lonely, in need of a human space heater to cuddle with. Yet today, January 6, is also known as Divorce Monday, the single most popular day for couples to seek a legal termination of their marriage.
No, the couples who first messaged each other yesterday did not meet, date, wed and split up in the span of 24 hours (although I’d watch the hell out of that reality show). In general, January sees twice as many divorces as any other month of the year, likely as a result of the aforementioned shittiness of this period, combined with the make-or-break effect of the holidays. If your marriage is on the rocks, it’s probably best to avoid spending an extended period of time with your spouse and your in-laws, nightmarish visions of how he or she will act and appear in the future, when his or her hair will have migrated from where it ought to be to places you never thought possible.
Summer is only 165 days away – whatever the state of your love life, stay positive. Or, okay, go ahead and wallow. There’s a great New Order song that might help.
Image via Veer