This Fox News Opinion piece — Waiting till the wedding night — getting married the right way — made me squirm in my chair. In it, abstinence columnist Steven Crowder shits on anyone who has ever had sex before marriage, lumping them all into the same sinful, immoral, dirty, pathetic, angry, meaningless category.
Turns out that people [who said we’d never make it to the wedding without schtupping or that our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible”] couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
It is one of the most judgmental, smug, self-righteous things I have read in awhile. And while he pretends to be taking the defense, it seems awfully offensive to me.
Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.
So some people mocked Steven Crowder for his abstinence, and Steven Crowder lashes out, and it’s kind of understandable. In his piece, he sounds like a caged animal — a subdued caged animal who is trying to win a fake contest with a snooty, supercilious argument that is completely based on his pain and his strong desire to prove everyone who does not agree with him wrong — all while not having sex. That is a lot to juggle, isn’t it?
It is fine that Steven Crowder chose to abstain from sex until his wedding night. If he believes you should go to the altar as virgins, fine. But everyone, including Crowder, has to stop getting in each other’s shit about what they do on their wedding nights. Unless you are there with them, why do you care? My skin started to crawl again reading comments to this piece. It’s not like smoking or drunk driving or something that affects society — nobody even has to know about it. It is one of the few choices that you make that can be between only you and your partner.
I used to work at a parenting magazine, and everyone used to get all up in arms about breastfeeding. Formula mothers were shunned and told their babies’ IQs would be lower, which would naturally put those women in a huff, and by the end of the discussion, everyone had sore throats, higher blood pressure, and was sweating hate. And why? In the end, the babies just wanted to be fed and the moms all wanted to be the best moms that they could be to their hungry babies. It was very easy for me, as someone who has not given birth, to see that these women were being ridiculous and creating their own problems. But if you’re a mom, it’s different. The argument hits too close to home. For many of us, sex and marriage hits close to home. But sex and marriage is even more personal. It would be awesome if that meant we all had the freedom to do whatever we wanted without being judged.
I think if Steven Crowder would have gotten married and restrained himself from writing this holier-than-thou article, he would have felt happier and more confident about his own marriage. After all, that would have made it his own decision and not his own decision and the entire internet’s two cents, too. By writing about it in this way, he has opened himself to the attacks, which are equally petty. Commentators could be happier, too, if they just thought “well that is BAT SHIT CRAZY Steven Crowder, thank God I don’t have to fuck you.” Because unless you are Steven Crowder’s wife, you aren’t going to fuck Steven Crowder. So you can be really happy with your own decision to fuck or not fuck your own partner before you’re married, if you even get married, and Steven can be happy with his.
And being happier — isn’t that what getting married is all about?