A post on BlogHer yesterday argued that our friendships could be jeopardizing our relationships. You know, that swift and sexy friends could swoop in on your SO like a love-starved vulture with their suitcase of privileged information you’ve been telling them casually over coffee. The big flaw here is that the rules BlogHer outlines on how to safeguard your relationship’s secrets are only applicable to friends we’re kinda sorta attracted to. Those Ryan Gosling-next-door type friends who we’d really rather stay single. But surely there are friends who we only have the cuddliest of platonic feelings for that we should still keep from the inner workings of our love life. Before you reveal your partner’s penis size to the millimeter or divulge your girlfriend’s sexts to a group of pals, read this list of what to screen from even the best of friends.
Anything Your Partner Doesn’t Know
Do you have major underlying resentments towards your partner because they’ve been unemployed for months? Does the fact that he choked you in bed without asking permission really shake you to your core? If only your friends know about these huge, welling emotions inside you, it won’t do your relationship any good. It’s basic stuff: Your friend shouldn’t know things about your relationship that the person in your relationship doesn’t know about. Before you pick apart the same aspect of your relationship perennially with a friend, ask yourself if your partner has been given the full opportunity to change. If you find yourself always discussing conflicts that your partner doesn’t even know you have with them or your life together, then you probably just want to gossip with your friends.
The Ins-and-Outs of Your Sex Life
I get it: some friends are exhibitionist storytellers that live for the overshare. But the sexual intimacy you create within your relationship is only stronger if it’s not shared with everyone you know and their half-brother. Nobody needs to know who put what pinky in what butt. Sex is almost better when the gory (sweaty?) details are left between you and yours.
How Much Your Partner Makes
You don’t want your friends weighing in on your relationship or judging your SO based on whether he shops thrift or at Bloomingdale’s. Also, it’s absolutely none of their business and gauche for you to volunteer the information.
Every Stupid Spat You Have
Think of complaining about your partner to your friends like it’s chili powder. It’s useful in small amounts, but it should really be used sparingly. When you report every small argument you have over who last vacuumed or who watched the last three episodes of Law and Order: SVU on Netflix, it’s going to get old. Once more, you’re slowly building an army of friends who detest your partner. Your harmless daily bickering might not amount to much for you, but if it’s all your friends hear, they might start to wonder why you don’t just dump the jerk who once insinuated you were fat. The more minutiae you filter out, the more easily your friends will be able to dispense good and accurate advice when it comes to the major league problems.
Your Partner’s Life History
If your lover tells you a very personal aspect of their life story during pillow talk or after years of dating, it’s not within your right to share that with all of your closest pals. When you let all of your friends in on your partner’s mom’s breast cancer scare or their history of childhood abuse, you’re breaking the trust of your relationship. Your partner told you those things because they felt comfortable enough in the relationship to open up about really difficult topics, not because they wanted to invite a round-table discussion on their issues a la The View. The heavy conversations between you and your SO should be in a relationship safe zone. Your friends should understand.
Private Correspondence Between You and Your SO
Your boyfriend didn’t send the text, “Hey baby, I think we should talk tonight. That thing you said last night really bugged me,” to Margaret, Jen, and Alex, so they don’t need to be forwarded it. Keep the emails, texts, midnight voicemails, and, yes, nude selfies away from your friends’ eyes. Did you know that some revenge porn is actually posted by friends of friends of ex-lovers, that have passed along the photo through email forwarding? Yeah, it makes you think twice about group texting your girlfriend’s boobs.
Image via Veer.