Time to get friendly with Miss Manners! According to a recent UC Berkeley study, your love success may come down to two simple words — Thank. You.
Around 50 undergrads ranging from 18 to 60 who had been dating for over a year (half of the couples were living together) filled out nightly surveys for a week. They repeated the survey nine months later. Obvious news alert: Those who felt appreciated were more likely to return the favor and were less likely to break up.
“What goes wrong in a lot of relationships is if you start to take your partner for granted,” Gordon told LiveScience. “You get used to having them in your life and forget why you chose to be with them.”
Some of the participants were also monitored in the lab. The ones who leaned into their partner while he/she was speaking, made eye contact, and gave comforting touches — signifiers for gratitude — were happier in the relationship. This didn’t surprise the lead researcher:
“When you are appreciative and you notice the value in your partner, it helps you realize what you have and makes you want to hold on to it. You have something good and you think, ‘I want to keep it.’ You are more responsive, you tend to their needs, and you are more thoughtful.”
Now imagine what “please” and “you’re welcome” can get you…
Yelena Shuster is applying to finishing school.