Tomorrow is Halloween, a night where kids from around the neighborhood bang on your door and demand mini Snickers (and if you’re the person who bought raisins instead, I hope you have an affinity for flaming dog poo).
But why should Trick or Treaters have all the fun? Gorging on your own bounty of sweets is acceptable – as is gorging on your own tricks and treats. The world of sex candy is rich and diverse. From bedroom gags to succulent erotic experiences, there are plenty of options that allow couples to make Halloween an intimate holiday void of mischief. Here are a few of the options out there.
Plain and simple, this treat enhances the tame aphrodisiac qualities of cocoa with a mixture of natural chemicals. Finally, a reason to eat something with Yohimbine, Fenugreek, Kola nut, Fo-Ti-Tieng, and Dong Quai in it.
BJ Blast Oral Sex Candy
Don’t worry, those aren’t actual explosions going off inside your mouth/around your private parts. Those are just BJ Blast candies! According to one negative Amazon review, there may be better alternatives to the tingling sweet, “This may be a “novelty item,” but the least they could do is make it taste decent. I could pick up a package of Pop Rocks for a fraction of the cost and three times the flavor.”
Succulent Hard Willies
A candy that everyone can enjoy (or should be able to, if they’re comfortable with their sexuality).
S&M enters the candy arena with a jawbreaker-themed bondage item that will cause the right kind of pain.
Milk Chocolate Body Paint
A classic, reinvented with artisanal flair. Comes in Dark Chocolate Raspberry. There’s probably a better way to put that, but you get the idea.
Candy Nipple Tassels
There are also candy G-strings and candy bras, but if you have the skills to razzle dazzle with tassels, why not?
The Candy Cane
Not so much a candy as a candy-themed move. I better let Urban Dictionary tell you about this one.
Matt Patches is a writer and reporter living in New York City. His work has been featured on Vulture, Time Out New York, and The Hollywood Reporter. He is the host of the pop culture podcast Operation Kino.