Sex

The 9 Rules of Booty Call Etiquette

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Editor’s note: Originally published in July 2011.

We’ve all got needs. Every one of us. And sometimes, you form a special bond with a person that is strictly about getting those needs met. Mutually. At all hours. Via text.

The “booty call” has been a staple in dating culture since long before the term was popularized by Jamie Foxx’s classic 1997 sex farce of the same name. But despite the booty call’s popularity and endurance, the rules regarding its proper execution have remained somewhat vague.

Does “no strings attached” have to also mean “no manners, artistry or effort?” It shouldn’t, and having been the recipient of a few sloppy, demanding booty calls in my day, I say we end this here. After enlisting the help of dating expert and all around bad-ass,

2. Don’t pretend it’s a date

Don’t ask if they want to grab a late dinner. Don’t ask if they want to meet you and your friends out for a drink. Be very clear about what this is, and what it is not, being extra sure to not lead people on.

“Trying to booty call someone who likes you will be a major disaster,” Khona cautions, “Even if they come over, you’ll end up with all kinds of emotional stickiness.”

The beauty of the booty call is that it’s above board. You know what you’re looking for, they know they’ve got it. The booty call is an equal exchange between two consenting adults. Don’t mess with that.

Related: 20 Signs Your Booty Call Is Turning Into An Actual Relationship

3. Don’t booty call someone you really like

“No!!!! Disaster!!! The other party will think that’s all you want and get pissed.”

Khona makes a good point here. If you really think you might have something with someone, don’t blow it by going for the immediate gratification.

4. Don’t wait until the last minute

If your booty call is an afterthought (and by “after” I mean “after you struck out at the bar,” and by “thought,” I mean “Uuuugggghh, I’m drunk and horny”) they’ll know. If you think you’re going to want to hook up, call before the bars close and set up that possibility.

Besides, it’s not always cool to call a relative stranger up at 3 am. Khona agrees, with a few exceptions.

“If you’re trying to booty call a drug addicted crackhead, a club kid or just a night owl, it’s never too late. But for everyone else I’d say past 2:30am on a weekend and midnight on a weekday is too late. It depends on their lifestyle.”

5. Pick and stick

Pick one person to booty call and stick with them until you either A) get a response one way or the other or B) have given them at least an hour to respond. After that, you can move on to the next name in your little black book. It’s not cool to “booty call blast” ten people and then deny them all when the hottest one finally responds.

6. Don’t be too wasted to follow through

If you booty call me, I expect actual sex — not a sloppy makeout session followed by you passing out on top of me.

7. A booty call is not a second date

“I’ve been denied when I tried to booty call someone who clearly wanted more,” says Khona, “We hooked up and then he asked me out, which actually surprised me since I didn’t remotely think of him as dating material. I gave him a shot, but the date was terrible as I predicted and I ended up leaving early. Nonetheless, he was good in bed so I decided to booty call him late one night. No dice. He told me to take care.”

Whether you like the person or not, once you’ve been on an actual date with someone, they are no longer your booty call. There are rare exceptions to this, in which it’s totally fine to booty call someone you’re casually dating, but this only when it’s explicitly cool between the two of you. If you have doubts, call someone else.

Related: 10 “Firsts” That Could Mean Your Relationship Is Getting Serious

8. Always offer to go to their place

It’s just polite. They might rather come to your place anyway, but give them the option of the home court advantage (read: “not having to change out of their pajamas if they don’t want to”).

9. They’re allowed to say “No.”

Don’t whine. Don’t be pushy. You’re allowed one “Are you sure?” and after that, you just say “Cool.” No pressure. No questioning the other party’s manhood. No guilt.

Rachel Khona is a writer and real-deal dating expert living in Brooklyn. Follow her and Facebook, if you know what’s good for you.

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