Advice

5 New and Exciting Ways to be Bad in Bed

Pin it

Men’s Fitness has a post today called “5 Sex Moves You Think She Likes, But Doesn’t,” which was refreshing to see after last week’s infamous Esquire essay on why women aren’t as good as they think (at pleasing men) in bed.

The truth of the matter is, of course, that men and women share equal responsibility when it comes to having good sex, and as very few people are natural born sex gods, both genders could probably use some improving now and then.

So here’s what Men’s Fitness says we should avoid doing in bed. (Ladies and gentlemen, take note!)

1. All Booksmart, and no Street Smart

You can know every diagram in the Kama Sutra and have years of experience of closely watching instructional videos (porn), but knowing the rules and actually playing the game are two very different things. Ultimately, intuition is much more important to good sex than having pre-conceived notions of what should happen when, at which angle, for exactly how long. Lose the books and just…practice?

2. The One-Noter

Focusing on just one area (and you can pretty much guess which “area” we’re talking about here: it varies with gender) is the least affective, most boring bedroom strategy in the world. The human body is not, like, a video game controller, where you can repeatedly push the same button with increasing persistence and vigor and wait for something to happen.

3. The Rebel

However weird, freaky, or improbable your sexual fetishes are, you can probably find someone else in the world who enjoys whatever it is as much as you do. But when it comes to sex, you really, really have to ask before you do anything. Like, anything beyond very basic sex requires some sort of testing the waters with your partner. Just doing things? Is not ok.

4. Being…Slobbery

Men’s Fitness makes explicit reference to the issue of being…ahem…overzealous during certain acts. Obviously, that’s unpleasant. Gusto is good! Gluttony is not. In sex as in anything.

5. It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon! Well, Not a Spring. A Middle-Distance Run?

The point is, while sex is best enjoyed when over 3 minutes, it’s really not the sort of thing that should last forever, no matter what Sting might have you think. Like, really? It’s okay to continue it…next time. Some other time. Sometimes lasting forever just gets…stressful? Quit before it starts to get bad!

More from Men’s Fitness: The 10 Most Common Sex Mistakes

naked_photos_modern_dating (1)