Business Owners Do Not Appreciate ‘Best Bathrooms To Have Sex In’ List

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An Indiana radio station ranked the best local bathrooms to have sex in, but local business owners are less than pleased with WBGF’s apparent commitment to public service, reports the New York Daily News.

Rating for privacy, space, comfort, and cleanliness — good all-purpose criteria for bathrooms, really — the Evansville station awarded top honors to Penny Lane Coffee Shop, The Jungle restaurant, Bokeh Lounge, Greek’s Pizzeria, and Cork n’ Cleaver. But while the station claims the list was intended to be satirical, the owners of the winning bathrooms don’t see anything funny about it. This makes sense: the importance of a clean, spacious bathroom is no joke. Also, most restaurant owners would prefer their patrons refrain from doing the nasty in their establishments.

“I don’t want people to be afraid to walk into Penny Lane because they think people are doing something we don’t condone or tolerate on our premises at any time,” said the annoyed co-owner of Penny Lane Coffee Shop (five for privacy, six for space, seven for comfort, eight for cleanliness). Scott Schuam, owner of the sexy, sexy Greek’s Pizzeria (a whopping eight for privacy, seven for space, seven for comfort, and six for cleanliness) agreed: “Little children and grandparents and all in between, that’s what I want for this place.”

The business owners, who all maintain that absolutely, definitely no one is having sex in their bathroom — or if they are, “they’re doing it in two minutes” — are currently talking to attorneys about taking legal action. Meanwhile, though, customers told Channel 14 News that the terrifying threat of bathroom sex won’t deter them from coming in. Obviously. A good bathroom is hard to find.

Image via Veer