Do Not Use An Emoticon To Reveal Your STD Test Results!

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not apropSpeaking of emojis, and when to use them in your dating life, here is an unacceptable scenario:

A good friend* was placidly scrolling through Twitter this morning, when she came across an alarming tweet from a guy she was seeing:

“‘No matter how assured you are, there’s always that half hour before the HIV test results where you’re like “wait, what if…?!’”

Obviously this infuriated her because if you’ve been having sex with someone, the last thing you want is to learn that he is (even jokingly!) worried about their STD results on Twitter.

She texted him, and he assured her that “it should be fine” and he should know about the HIV test “in half an hour” and about the rest “in a few weeks.” (“I’LL GIVE YOU THE RESULTS OF MY PREGNANCY TEST IN HALF AN HOUR AND THE REST WILL COME IN NINE MONTHS,” she responded.)

Eventually, he responded (and tweeted!!!!!!!!!) that he was HIV Negative. With a smiley face.

So the most important thing here, of course, is to never assume the person you’re dating is STD free unless you explicitly have a conversation with them about it.

But that aside, have we really gotten to the point where it has become acceptable to broadcast your STD results on Twitter, and to use a colon, an em-dash, and a half a parenthesis in an approximation of a human face to convey both relief and reassurance to your worried partner?

Shut it down, everyone. Shut it down.


*Yes, really.