6 Lesbian Secrets For Straight Men

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When Chasing Amy divulged the secret of fisting to the world, teenage boys’ blood vessels (in their brains) were popping across the nation. Here are more lesbian secrets that will blow you (and your girl) away.

Plus: The 41 Funniest Things Ever Said About Love, Sex & Relationships


If you speak cunnilingus, all doors (and women’s legs) will open to you.

It is your sacred duty to lift your lady’s pussy up to goddess status. If she’s hesitant about you going down on her, it may mean she’s embarrassed about her hair, smell, taste, etc. If this rings true, confess your love of her vagina and all things that encapsulate it. If you don’t necessarily love the taste, take a good shower together then get your head in the game!


The clitoris is not an ON button.

Be superbly careful with your tongue near her sweet spot, you can’t just go pressing it like an engine starter. That hurts. Most ladies have a yummy area directly around it. If you’re uncertain where to start, run laps around the clit until she’s moaning. After that, the clit is fare game, press, flick, lick and massage till climax.


Put the penis away!

There is a treasure trove of ways to make your lady ready before your man parts come anywhere near her.The tongue for example is the strongest muscle in the human body for a reason. Try inserting your tongue where you’re manliness usually goes. It may seem like you’re not getting very far, but if she relaxes, you’ll feel her suck you up. It’s like being taken up into the mother ship, literally, and ladies will love you for it.


Fingers aren’t just for lesbians anymore.

Especially with ladies that are tight, you’ll want her to ease her open a bit. Start with a finger or two and curl them a little to hit her g-spot. Make sure your nails are trim and clean.


Revisiting fisting etiquette.

Only attempt if you have smaller hands or have a bigger woman. Your lady has to be really turned on for this lesbian secret, enough for her muscles to be really relaxed. Make your hand into a kind of compressed point, fingers mostly straight, and insert slowly. Don’t try to put the fist in first! Watch her body motions to see how you’re doing. If you can get your hand inside up to the wrist, don’t do anything crazy. If she’s digging it, curl your fingers a little and only then make a fist, then twist slightly, letting your fingers massage her G spot. It hurts a bit ladies, but in that “Shades of Grey-give me more sort of way.”

Don’t stop trying to please her until she snores.

Comedian Louis CK has a bit that hits right on the G spot. Women like to cuddle, he says, not because they are needy, but because they are utterly horny! Because they have gone completely un-*bleeped* by you. I can attest, when a woman is properly sexed, she curls over and passes out. Don’t turn in for the night until your lady is properly snoring with a big fat smile on her face.
Juggler’s Daughter is a late 20′s lesbian, west-coast hippie with a dual hero and victim complex. Read more of her work at