Sex

Shocking Study Says Women Are Turned On By Clean Sheets, Other Non-Disgusting Objects

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Washing machine drum in a laundrette

A British study has found that clean sheets are one of the biggest turn-ons for women. In other news, gross things are gross, and people don’t like them. This may seem painfully obvious – except for the fact the average single man changes his sheets only four times a year. This, in case you are wondering, is not enough times.

Allow me, as a card-carrying female, to save you lady-daters a lot of time, money, and mental distress by sharing some more game-changing tips for seduction:

  • Bathe
  • Brush your teeth
  • Wash your clothes
  • Wear deodorant
  • Use (and flush) toilets
  • Trim your toenails before they’re legally considered lethal weapons
  • Don’t be a vaguely humanoid, pulsing mass of filth who makes the sewers his home

What’s especially bizarre is that the very same study ranked freshly laundered sheets highly among turn-ons for men. What’s especially especially bizarre is that “cleaning the house” also managed to crack the list of top ten male turn-ons. So, dudes: change your damn sheets and everyone wins.

Image via Veer

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