Class Acts

Unemployed Government Workers Get First Shutdown Perk: Free Vibrators

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I’m sure the estimated 80,000 government workers who were left jobless due to the government shutdown felt like they were screwed. Now, thanks to the devious wiles and expert marketing strategies of the folks over at, they can actually be screwed for free.

Last Friday, the vibrator distributor began to give away a stress-reducing, orgasm-dispensing classic pink torpedo-shaped vibe to any government employee deemed non-essential. The first 200 furloughed employees that sign up each day get one shipped to their house, at no cost (other than losing their job for weeks and a set of AA batteries). If the thought of a NASA astronaut or Yosemite National Park ranger snuggling up for the weekend with a big, fuzzy blanket and a giant, glossy vibrator doesn’t simply delight you, you might not have a heart.

According to Tom Nardone, president of, it’s causing a sort of dildo zealotry. He claims it’s a really good quality vibrator, quiet and yet powerful. The demand has been so high for the past week that they’re selling out in minutes, according to his Facebook.


It looks like just upped their name recognition by 1000%.