19 Awful Things To Say After Sex

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1. We’re almost done, just rub my bald spot.

2. I can tell you’re in a hurry, so I’ll get out of your hair.


4. I need bleach, rubber gloves, and tequila immediately.

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5. I just remembered it’s my grandma’s birthday.

6. And to think, seven hours ago I was barfing in this bed.

7. Your sex parts are kind of a mess.

8. I can’t stop thinking about shrimp.

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9. Ugh, slimy.

10. I think you owe me an apology.

11. You have some sex boogers to clean up.

12. Race you to the toilet.

13. *just start singing Celine Dion*

Plus: 40 Things NOT TO Say When You Meet His Parents
14. I probably shouldn’t have done that.

15. They have better beds than this in prison.

16. I’m 17.

17. Everything itches.

18. Gimme a fist bump if you feel BLOATED!

19. Runtime error.

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