Have you ever thought to yourself “I think I’ll stay in tonight”? Sure, there is nothing wrong with a night in every now and then but if you can relate to any of the following telltale signs of abject social desperation, it might be time to get yourself a social life. Possibly using the fantastic HowAboutWe (I am a bit biased).
1. You wake up in the morning thinking “something smells good. Who’s making omelettes?” Then you realize that you live alone and that that is the odor from your clothes hamper.
2. Your definition of a fun night starts with a case of Coors Light and ends with you crying while watching the series finale of Roseanne.
3. You have bought a sweater for your pet.
4. You have gone to the market and bought a single chicken breast.
5. You have tried to play Trivial Pursuit by yourself.
6. You went to see ‘Ted’ alone and high (if you’re a guy) and you went to ‘Magic Mike’ alone and drunk (if you’re a lady).
7. You cut your food into obscenely tiny pieces because you are concerned about choking alone in your apartment and no one finding you for weeks.
8. You have been matched with a profile you are pretty sure you deleted on a dating site.
9. You have consulted tarot cards to find a date.
10. You have every episode of ‘Doug’ saved on your DVR.
11. Your name is the first thing that pops up when someone Googles the term “Golden Girls Fan Club”.
12. You tell people that you are married to your work and actually mean it. You and your work have already picked out china.
13. You have long seemingly unending conversations with the wait staff at your favorite sushi place.
14. You have made a crock pot full of cheese dip last a week. Chili is also applicable.
15. You have eaten fried chicken in bed recently.
16. You fell asleep while eating chicken in bed and woke up to the cat licking the chicken grease from your face.
17. You pass your free time learning insults in Klingon. You Farengi hacduva!
18. You refer to your heart as a withered dried up raisin of an organ.
19. You refer to your heart as such while in a room full of middle schoolers.
20. The pizza delivery guy knows your voice and preferences for toppings more than your friends do.
Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of staying home and folding underwear. Get out there! Live and love my friends. Live and love.