Being Single

The Trouble With “Not Intimidating Men”

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In case you missed it, The Early Show’s big dating game challenge is “getting down to crunch time!”

Elle columnist E. Jean Carroll (whose advice I have trusted in the past) says that any woman can find the man of her dreams in just six weeks if they follow the advice in her book, Mr. Right, Right Now, and guests Lirone and Tracy are putting her advice to the test, apparently. I suppose if they do not find their 100% love soul mates 4Ever God Bless America in six weeks, we can suppose that Carroll’s advice is ineffective. But until then, let’s listen:

This week’s challenge was to not intimate men, a notion that is insulting to both men and women. If a guy is really intimidated by a girl’s wit and money and brains and humor and success, I just don’t think things can be fixed. That is a ridiculous problem that problem that probably does happen. But that doesn’t mean we have to turn it into a relationship! Next!

To make yourself less intimidating, Carroll says, ramp up how interesting you are, while at the same time, show tenderness, vulnerability and mystery. The women did this by repeatedly asking their dates to peel oranges for them — awkwardness ensued. I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time seeming interesting while I’m trying to feign “damsel in distress”.

And  yes, she did use those words. Here were her tips, specifically, for being less intimidating:

  1. Ask for a story from his past
  2. Be a damsel in distress, ask for his help
  3. Allow him to show off his skills

One of the women admitted she was having feelings for the men she was going out with, and I don’t want to judge her. But I do know that watching the video, I was glad I wasn’t on the date. It seemed really inauthentic, forced, and NOT fun. Oh God, I’m listening to it again while I’m typing this, and I’m just feeling sick. It’s sickening. It’s a car wreck. I feel bad for these women because I’m sure they are smart, wonderful, funny, loving people. But they are getting terrible advice, and they look moronic jumping through the hoops.

I don’t know why Carroll never talks about what it does to a relationship when it’s built on a fake base. You will never, ever be comfortable in a loving relationship if you are weirdly someone else at the beginning. Things will just get exponentially weirder, and six months down the road you will wonder, “what is going on here? Who am I? This isn’t me.” It is then you will realize that you made this happen. You created this awkward relationship with a fake, flimsy base.

Men aren’t dumb. You don’t have to trick them into getting to know someone other than the real you. Throw away the tricks. It is possible to find someone who just really likes you, and we all deserve that. You know, the real you.

Or am I wrong? Is this GOOD advice? Do you think these women are like,  headed to Loveville City, USA, population two?

Watch the video here. (No embed code, sorry.)