Buzzkills

Texting is Literally Killing You and You’re Basically Dead, Says Science

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Dia de Los Muertos

If you feel like you’d die without your phone, you might be surprised to learn that you’re more likely to die with it — texting too much could lower your life expectancy. While we take our time choosing the perfect emoji (the flamenco dancer, for what it’s worth, is never not appropriate), we drop our heads and round our shoulders, an unnatural body position which can limit heart and lung function. The United Chiropractic Association claims that the poor, forward-leaning posture associated with the excessive use of mobile devices can lead to hyperkyphosis. This spinal condition increases the risk of cardiovascular and pulmonary disease in its elderly victims, who experience a 1.44 times greater mortality rate than their unafflicted peers.

In other words, we are all doomed. Teens of America, quit texting cold turkey and take up smoking while you still can. (Or, you know, stand up straight, dummies.)