Valentine's Day

People Having a Worse Valentine’s Day Than You

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It’s Valentine’s Day. You’re single. You’re lonely. You’re probably very drunk (or contemplating getting so shortly). But at least you’re alive, not in jail, and unstabbed. Feel better about yourself by appreciating  these people’s misfortune.

Cedric Henry

Cedric’s a reasonable dude. He didn’t want to drive his fiance to the liquor store, because he was already drunk. Drunk driving is dangerous, right? So his fiance, who bears the name Melissa Bopp, stabbed him in the stomach with “a big knife.” But what really makes this the worst Valentine’s Day is that Mr. Henry & Ms. Bopp were scheduled to be married next week! I can’t imagine a worse Valentine’s Day than having your wedding called off due to getting stabbed. Oh, and Ms. Bopp’s kid saw the whole thing. :( :( :(

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Image via The MacKay Way

Stuart “Chopper” May

Chopper’s first mistake was cheating on his girlfriend, Torz Reynolds. Torz loved him enough to get “Chopper’s Bitch” tattooed on her arm. She’s committed. Don’t mess around. His second mistake was lying to her by telling her he was moving to Alaska for a new job while he was really at home in Essex, England, with a new girlfriend. So how did Torz react? She cut her “Chopper’s Bitch” tattoo off with a scalpel, of course. She wasn’t done, though. She then put it in a jar with some vampire teeth, wrapped it up like a present, and mailed the tattoo to Chopper. Let me repeat that: she put a piece of skin that she cut off her body like fat off a pork shoulder in a jar and mailed it to her ex-boyfriend as a final kiss-off. Someone used to love him so much that she got his name tattooed on arm, and now she hates him so much that she will risk gangrene to tell him “fuck you.” That must hurt.

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Image via Daily Star

Chinese moviegoers

Some bitter pranksters in Shanghai bought every odd-numbered seat for a Valentine’s Day screening of a movie called Shanghai Love Story so couples couldn’t sit next to each other. This is a loss for everyone: the cold-hearted love Grinches who bought the tickets, and the couples whose big date was amusingly ruined.

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Image via xinhuanet

Anyone who gets a chocolate filled with menstrual blood

NAH, SON.

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Image via Wikipedia

Ana, A Portugese One Direction fan

 

Ben, A British pizza lover

 

Whoever is in a relationship with Alex

 

The sociopathic perpetrator and drunken victim of this hit-and-run

 

 

#2AprilJossStone, I don’t know you, but you are a scary person!

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Image via The City That Breeds

Happy V-Day, everyone! Stay safe out there!