7 Ridiculous Christmas Presents You Can Buy with Bitcoin

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The sudden bitcoin boom has left us all virtually rolling around in virtual piles of virtual wealth, which is good, because the preferred digital currency of Libertarians, drug dealers, and Chinese investors is the ticket to romance this holiday season. Or it can be, if love means presents and presents means “things-not-available-from-most-major-retailers.”

Sure you can also get toilet paper, nutritional supplements, and luggage with bitcoin but you can buy that stuff with coin coins. (Actually, you can get pretty much anything with coin coins.) But as the saying goes, the best gifts are the ones you buy with non-government-backed cryptocurrency.


A Weekend in a Luxury Apartment on the French Riviera ($200/night = .1859 BTC as of today). Show her you’re an extremely early adopter with a weekend stay in a sleek Mediterranean apartment, which appears, from the photos, to be both very sleek and very Mediterranean indeed.


A Custom Oil Painting of Yourself/Your Pet/Your Mistress/A Fake Matisse ($155-$1,039 = .1438 BTC-.9641 BTC). Nothing says “I love you” like an original interpretation of your Boston Terrier as rendered by the artistes at


Representation from a Houston-area DWI Lawyer (free consultation! Actual price TBD). Has your beloved had a recent incident with the law? Was it because your beloved was driving under the influence? Does your beloved need representation? Is your beloved in the greater Houston area?  (Note: not a gift for everyone.)


Artificial Pheromones ($19.97-$91.97 = .01851 BTC-.08536 BTC). Help your lover stay attracted to you/help your lover stay attractive with sexy spray-on chemicals called “Bliss,” “Ascend,” “Innocence,” and “Unisexy Erotic Body Massage Oil.”


An Emergency Supply of Food for the Apocalypse ($11,554.48 = 10.71 BTC). The couple that survives the apocalypse together, stays together. Show him you’re in it for the long, long haul with a year’s worth of rations for two “should an unexpected event strain or even dissolve normal food supply channels.”


Dental Work (varies). Give the gift of caring. Specifically, dental caring. Orlando’s Dr. Murad Thakur will give you both something to smile about, since not only does he have a computer-aided milling machine, he’s also offering 20% off the first appointment.


Admission to Brazil’s Dark Stone Bromelias Practice Center ($125/3 days = .116 BTC). When lovebirds want to cultivate “understanding, respect & care for all beings & natural systems through mindfulness,” they head to Brazil’s Atlantic forest, where they enjoy Dharma sharing, Sutra reading, and “noble silence” as facilitated by hypermodern virtual currency.

Images via Veer