Valentine's Day

10 Ways The Full Moon Is Going To Ruin Your Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day falls on a full moon this year. Here are ten scenarios that are probably (read: definitely) going to happen:

1. You get moonshine-drunk and text your ex “wat RU up 2 sexxxy?”

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2. You give your dog his Valentine’s Day gift and he bites your hand.

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3. You try to live vicariously through your friend’s date plans.

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4. You get attacked by that black feral cat who lives on your stoop.

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5. You try to cook yourself a “romantic steak dinner” and it goes to shit.

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6. You text friends to get drinks, but no one responds.

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7. You get your period.

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8. You find out that guy you like on Tinder is a werewolf.

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9. You’re about to come and your vibrator battery dies.

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10. The high-tide comes up and floods your ground-floor apartment.

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