Depending on how you look at it, Japanese printer company Brother is responsible for either the best or worst innovation in advertising this year: a dating simulation game in which you win the heart of a DCP-J952-ECO printer. We’re firmly in the “best” camp.
Though the tone of the game was presumably tongue-in-cheek to begin with, Google’s mind-boggling auto-translations of the original Japanese text make for an even more surreal experience. You can play it yourself here, or scroll down for a tour of the highlights. (Unless I’m doing this totally wrong – which, to be fair, is highly plausible – you don’t “play” the game so much as click through it.)
A transfer student has arrived at your high school. The new kid is friendly and interesting (favorite hobby: “magenta ink”), not to mention super-cute. That is, if printers are your thing. It takes the seat next to yours.
Then, I think, it’s time for Phys Ed, but you forgot to put on sunscreen. Back in the classroom, you encounter the printer half-inside its box. You’re really excited. Does this constitute printer nudity?
Apparently, you saw its ink cartridges. Not cool, bro. Not cool.
In gym class, the printer proves to be quite athletic.
Afterwards, it vomits some paper, as printers are wont to do. This is its way of asking you out on a date.
Later, this happens, which I think is a nod to the importance of consent? Or to the importance of properly assembled printers?
You get a call late at night informing you that it’s been rushed to the hospital. The printer’s father (I have so many questions about printer biology right now) is waiting for you, with a letter from the printer.
Once the printer wakes up, it offers you the most romantic sales pitch of all time.
You both live happily ever after.
Overall, this was weird, though not as weird as some relationships I’ve had with non-printers. Miscellaneous delightful quotes:
- “Door, how do you not tighten once?”
- “…be a little cool.” [Solid dating advice in general.]
- “I decorate the splendid victory!!”